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Above all else: go out with a sense of humor. It is needed armor. Joy in one’s heart and some laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
Author: Hugh Sidey
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A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.
Author: Jack Benny
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All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
Author: Jane Wagner, The Search For Intelligent Life In The Universe, performed by Lily Tomlin
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Humor is, I think, the subtlest and chanciest of literary forms. It is surely not accidental that there are a thousand novelists, essayists, poets or journalists for each humorist. It is a long, long time between James Thurbers.
Author: Leo Rosten
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Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.
Author: Mark Twain
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It used to take me all vacation to grow a new hide in place of the one they flogged off me during school term.
Author: Mark Twain
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Humor is a rubber sword – it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
Author: Mary Hirsch
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The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
Author: Nicholas Chamfort
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Home is heaven and orgies are vile, But I like an orgy, once in a while.
Author: Ogden Nash, Home, 99 44/100% Sweet Home
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Love your enemies. It makes them so damned mad.
Author: P.D. East
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After all, what is your host’s purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.
Author: P.J. O’Rourke
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Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
Author: Rita Mae Brown
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A wise saying is something you keep picking up off the floor in front of your fridge.
Author: Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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All my life I’ve wanted, just once, to say something clever without losing my train of thought.
Author: Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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As to the Seven Deadly Sins, I deplore Pride, Wrath, Lust, Envy and Greed. Gluttony and Sloth I pretty much plan my day around.
Author: Robert Brault, www.robertbrault.com
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Humor has a way of bringing people together. It unites people. In fact, I’m rather serious when I suggest that someone should plant a few whoopee cushions in the United Nations.
Author: Ron Dentinger
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She was what we used to call a suicide blond – dyed by her own hand.
Author: Saul Bellow
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A prisoner of war is a man who tries to kill you and fails, and then asks you not to kill him.
Author: Sir Winston Churchill
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Humor is a reminder that no matter how high the throne one sits on, one sits on one’s bottom.
Author: Taki
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Humor results when society says you can’t scratch certain things in public, but they itch in public.
Author: Tom Walsh
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