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Brandy, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the-grave and four parts clarified Satan.
Author: Ambrose Bierce
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If you drink, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.
Author: Dean Martin
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I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.
Author: Don Marquis
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Woman first tempted man to eat; he took to drinking of his own accord.
Author: Four Hundred Laughs: Or, Fun Without Vulgarity, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902
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I’d prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
Author: Frank Nicholson, attributed
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Everyone who drinks is not a poet. Some of us drink because we’re not poets.
Author: From the movie Arthur
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Wine is sunlight, held together by water.
Author: Galileo
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What’s drinking? A mere pause from thinking!
Author: George Gordon, Lord Byron, The Deformed Transformed
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The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.
Author: H.L. Mencken, Prejudices, Fourth Series, 1924
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Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.
Author: Herman ‘Jackrabbit’ Smith-Johannsen
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Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.
Author: Homer Simpson
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We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.
Author: Horace Hutchinson
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One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.
Author: James Thurber
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A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. ‘Much obliged,’ said he, pushing the plate aside, ‘I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.’
Author: Jean Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
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Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.
Author: Jean Kerr
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If four or five guys tell you that you’re drunk, even though you know you haven’t had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.
Author: Joseph Schenck
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Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.
Author: Kin Hubbard
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Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
Author: Knute Rockne
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No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness – or so good as drink.
Author: Lord Chesterton
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I’ll stick with gin. Champagne is just ginger ale that knows somebody.
Author: M*A*S*H, Hawkeye, ‘Ceasefire,’ 1973
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