Comprehensive collection of Humorous Quotes. The compilation includes some good quality text submitted by users. Browse through our nice repository of Humorous Quotes with latest and new quotes being added quite often. You will find unique quotes and sayings which you can rate and review. Explore best and rare collection of Humorous Quotes here, select any text from the wide range and share or send using mobile. Apart from general Humorous Quotes, the collection also includes some popular Humorous Quotes. You can help us to enrich this collection of Humorous Quotes by sending and submitting more messages from your collection to us and by providing nice ideas.
Someone once defined humor as a way to keep from killing yourself. I keep my sense of humor and I stay alive.
Author: Abe Burrows
~~~~~~~
Maybe this world is another planet’s hell.
Author: Aldous Huxley
~~~~~~~
Humor is… despair refusing to take itself seriously.
Author: Arland Ussher
~~~~~~~
Let your humour always be good-humour, in the double sense of the phrase: if it comes from a bad humour, it is almost sure to be bad humour.
Author: Augustus William Hare and Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
~~~~~~~
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Author: Bill Watterson, Calvin and Hobbes
~~~~~~~
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
Author: Carl Zwanzig
~~~~~~~
You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses, and he wears a beret. He is French, people.
Author: Conan O’Brien, 2003
~~~~~~~
I usually lump organized religion, organized labor, and organized crime together. The Mafia gets points for having the best restaurants.
Author: Dave Beard
~~~~~~~
My doctor says that I have a malformed public-duty gland and a natural deficiency in moral fiber, and that I am therefore excused from saving Universes.
Author: Douglas Adams
~~~~~~~
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don’t.
Author: Douglas Adams
~~~~~~~
Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.
Author: Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
~~~~~~~
Protect me from knowing what I don’t need to know. Protect me from even knowing that there are things to know that I don’t know. Protect me from knowing that I decided not to know about the things that I decided not to know about. Amen.
Author: Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
~~~~~~~
Humor prevents one from becoming a tragic figure even though he/she is involved in tragic events.
Author: E.T. ‘Cy’ Eberhart
~~~~~~~
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.
Author: Elayne Boosler
~~~~~~~
If you cannot answer a man’s argument, all it not lost; you can still call him vile names.
Author: Elbert Hubbard
~~~~~~~
A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
Author: Evan Esar
~~~~~~~
Resolve is never stronger than in the morning after the night it was never weaker.
Author: From the movie Naked
~~~~~~~
Nothing is more curious than the almost savage hostility that humor excites in those who lack it.
Author: George Saintsbury
~~~~~~~
Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them.
Author: H.L. Mencken
~~~~~~~
He’s turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he’s miserable and depressed.
Author: Harry Kalas, on Garry Maddox, 1981
Leave a Reply