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The most perfect humor and irony is generally quite unconscious.
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The oil and wine of merry meeting.
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The only real laughter comes from despair.
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The problem with those bumper stickers that warn against tailgating, is that I have to get really close to the person’s car to read them.
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The Procrastinator’s Creed: 1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
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The role of a comedian is to make the audience laugh, at a minimum of once every fifteen seconds.
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The seal went into the restaurant and was asked by the waiter if he would like a Canadian Club on the rocks. He replied no thank you.
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The secret to humor is surprise.
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The Soviet propaganda ministry ordered 10 million condoms from an American manufacturer, all 16 long and 3 in diameter. The American manufacturer filled the order, sending the merchandise in boxes marked ‘medium.’
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the ‘tastiness’ of flesh is the uric acid or pre urine in flesh.. if one misses these trioxypurines he can take out a veggie burger and whiz on it.
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The teller of a mirthful tale has lattitude allowed him. We are content with less than absolute truth.
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humourist makes fun of himself. —James Thurber The secret source of humour itself is not joy but sorrow.There is no humour in heaven.
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There are a thousand forms of subversion, but few can equal the convenience and immediacy of a cream pie.
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There are things of deadly earnest that can only be mentioned under the cover of a joke.
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There are very few good judges of humor, and they don’t agree.
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There is also this benefit in brag, that the speaker is unconsciously expressing his own ideal. Humor him by all means, draw it all out, and hold him to it.
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There is always a secret irritation about a laugh into which we cannot join.
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There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray.
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There is no clearer manifestation of pure evil than teachers giving assignments over holiday breaks.
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There is possibly no guilt in this world to compare with leaving a sick child with a babysitter. The sitter could be Mother Theresa and you would still feel rotten. There is something about having your child throw up without you that is difficult to live with.
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